Honest Self-Reflection In The Ugly Mirror

My paternal grandmother lived for 90 years. She was an exceptional lady in many ways, but one thing that stood out to me was her complexion. Her skin was beautiful and radiant any and every time I saw her, and that didn't happen by accident. 

One evening I saw her peering with great focus into this two-sided mirror. I used to get a kick out of playing with it because one side showed a normal image, and the other showed a greatly magnified image. It also had lights all around the edges that lit up every nook and cranny revealed by that magnified image. 

My grandmother rarely looked at the normal mirror. She would look at herself carefully before applying her astringent or emollient cream or whatever. When she was finished applying all that stuff to her face, then she would flip it over and look at the non-magnified image. She would turn her head to each side and, once satisfied, flashed a bright smile.

That night I asked her about the two mirrors and why her skin care routine was so rigorous. She told me, "To look pretty in the normal mirror, I look at myself closely in the ugly mirror." I protested, naturally. She wasn't ugly by any stretch. "Well thank you," she said. "That's because I look at the ugly mirror very carefully and try to fix the things I see that I don't like."

She did this every night. It didn't matter if we were traveling, if she felt well, if she was tired or in a bad mood. Nothing kept her from checking herself carefully in the ugly mirror, and her investment of time and care paid off exactly as she intended. My grandmother had beautiful and radiant skin well into her late 80s. 

Life Lessons In The Ugly Mirror

It's interesting to me how such a poignant lesson about life can be found in a recollection of my grandmother's skin care routine. It took far too long for me to understand what a pearl of wisdom she'd both demonstrated and explained to me. 

If you want self-reflection to be productive, you have to take a long, hard look into your own ugly mirror. It's not fun. In fact, looking in that ugly mirror can be downright painful. What you find in your ugly mirror that needs fixing most often can't be made better by the gentle application of serums and creams. The most likely cures are changes you don't want to make because, in our present state, we see those changes as painful. 

If we're fat, it's often because we eat too much and move too little. We love sweet things and leisure, and we'll likely stay fat if we don't divorce ourselves from those loves. If we're lazy, changing that involves not being lazy; doing more, exerting more effort, planning how we use our time and then doing productive things with that time instead of lazing around. 

These two examples aren't mind-blowing by any stretch, but they're germane to me and my journey. Many people have similar complaints about their own lives (fat and laziness), so I wanted to touch on two things my readers might identify with personally. 

It's true that even one good look in the ugly mirror may spur you to make some real change in your life, but consistent viewing of your ugly mirror might make those changes stick. Going a step farther, some real healing may be found if you start to wonder why you see what you see in your ugly mirror.

Why am I fat? Why am I lazy? Why aren't my relationships better? Why is my career or business not going better?

I'd encourage you to ponder those questions sincerely and then take another look in the ugly mirror. In my experience, the surface morphs into something like a screen showing times, events, people, experiences and choices in my life that all contributed to bringing the image I see to bear. 

You might discover a limiting belief that has no basis in reality. You might discover a deep-seated insecurity that's at the core of you failing to launch, so to speak. You might find that all of these things are related and contribute greatly to the image you see in your ugly mirror. 

The Image In Your Ugly Mirror

Contemplation doesn't make the image you see in your ugly mirror any easier to look at. I'll tell you that up front. Asking yourself why-this and why-that as you peer into the image won't make other faces appear. It won't make some devil or spirit or situation or circumstance take center stage on the mirror's surface. All you'll see in the mirror after asking all those why's is yourself. 

We are the reason we're fat, we're lazy, we're not excelling in our career, growing our business and enjoying our relationships more deeply. The blame for whatever we see in that mirror that we don't like falls squarely upon our own shoulders. When we look in the mirror honestly, we come face-to-face, and quite literally, with our own personal responsibility for the image we see staring back at us.

We're fat because we choose to eat too much and move too little. We're lazy because doing the lazy thing is easier than doing the non-lazy thing, and often gives us a quick dopamine hit of some sort or another in lieu of whatever pain we might endure by not being lazy. 

We're probably not doing the things required to maximize the intimacy and fulfillment in our relationships, and likely because we've reached some comfort zone where we feel like what we're doing is "good enough." We're not progressing in careers or growing our business for very similar reasons. We reach someplace where complacency becomes soooo inviting, and we sit down to relax there for a bit. We've earned that, haven't we? Before we realize it, we've been sitting in the complacency chair much longer than we ever intended to. 

I want to point out a rather clever marketing technique in the self-help space. A lot of these professionals like to say "It's not your fault."

Doesn't that make you feel better? There's some external reason you're fat, and you can be mad at that reason as a source of motivation to fuel your body change. 

When we're not happy with our relationships, we're much more likely to blame that on our partners; they're not doing this for us, or they don't do that for us. That's why we don't feel the connection and fulfillment we want from that relationship.

This might not be a popular opinion, but I believe we're fooling ourselves with this kind of thinking. Yes, external factors impact so much of what I'm talking about, but the ultimate responsibility for our lives remains squarely on each of us.

As painful a realization as that can be, it is also incredibly empowering. If we have the power to make ourselves fat, lazy and stall in our professional and personal endeavors, then we also have the power to change those things into something else. Your wife or husband might behave like this or that, but you cannot control them. All you can control is yourself and the effort you make. Whether you make a great effort or a poor effort, you will influence them, and that influence contributes to whatever satisfaction and fulfillment you feel in that relationship. 

Presently, I'm taking this perspective to a different level in my own life. I know this isn't easy. I know it isn't comfortable, or fun. I am not some superhuman who can absorb all this about myself and turn on a dime into something or someone else. I struggle damn near every minute and am still nowhere near satisfied with my own winning percentage. If you're on a similar journey, I most certainly feel your pain. It's why I write about this. I know this is all on me and that fact, especially when applied to the lens through which I examine my whole life, is beyond daunting. 

But it's all on me in my life. In your life, it's all on you. 

So look again in your ugly mirror with some radical honesty. What do you see that you don't like? Why do you see the images you see?

What are you going to do about it?

If you've read this far, thank you very much for your time and attention. I really appreciate it, and hope you got something of value from this post. Please leave me a comment letting me know what you think! I would love to read about your personal experience overcoming your own laziness, changing your body or refurbishing your love relationship! I would also be grateful for constructive criticism on how I can improve. 

The Lord bless you and keep you, make His face shine upon you and be gracious to you. The Lord turn His face toward you and give you peace.