Making a Life Movie: Self as Nemesis

Life Movies

What if we set out to make a life movie? What kind of story would you want it to tell? How would you describe your leading actor? What kind of person are they? What are the challenges they face? What are their goals and motivations? What are their pluses and shortcomings? What endears this character to you? 

Ok, good. Good. Now our protagonist needs a challenge to face and a compelling antagonist. Perhaps a rival. Perhaps a nemesis. 

The antagonist in my life movie is me.

The rival and nemesis in my life movie is me.

Self As Nemesis

Your nemesis may be similar to my own. Mine has a kind of multiple personality disorder, and three are often front and center. Procrastination entices me with some random thought meant to pull me off focus. He flashes memories of relaxation before my open eyes and presents the memory of the relaxed feeling for comparison to whatever I'm doing at the time. He might use noble concepts to explain or justify what he's doing to me. Learning is good, right? You're not wasting time or avoiding work, you're learning. You're... expanding your horizons. 

He comes to me as self-doubt; this amalgamation of the way humility was typically instilled in kids as I grew up, and this deep-seated insecurity that maybe I'm just not good enough. I don't have whatever skill or ability I consider necessary on hand at present, and obtaining it would require a lot of work, and time, and energy, and focus, and failure...

He comes to me as the fear of those failures, though I'm beginning to reconsider this. Perhaps he's actually afraid that the protagonist in my story can succeed. He can do what he puts his mind to, but not with the antagonist calling so many of the shots. 

I know his strengths as well as I know my own. I know his goals, but my thoughts on his motivations are mere conjecture. I don't understand him, and he seems perfectly fine with that. I'm not sure he understands his own motivations. I don't understand why a person with his capabilities chooses to not do more. 

I am not better-equipped for our battles than he is. I know he's been stronger than I am on most days. That can change. It must, and that is the massive challenge before me. Everyone knows what its like to deal with the different wants of the flesh and the spirit. People know from personal experience how difficult the battle with self is. A life movie telling this kind of story would be relatable to most. 

So... how do I make the preparation for that battle compelling? Showing my exercise, what I'm eating, my trackers, affirmations, meditation and prayer... I speak honestly about my challenges as they occur. For the audience to truly know me, they must have a deep understanding of my primary enemy. That awareness would provide meaningful context to the successes and failures of my life movie.

I'm seeing a picture form here. 

Writing the Story of My Life Movie

What elements are common to the stories we love best? Victory, success, overcoming against all odds, redemption, catharsis, triumph, impact...

So... guy near 50 starts looking back at his life with some regret. He excelled in academics and arts when he was young without really having to try, and somehow decided to settle for only very moderate distinction. He didn't put the work into his studies or musicianship to see what he might have been truly capable of. 

In the present, he's looking at his profound lack of influence and the resulting low sense of contribution. He's tired of mainly using his mistakes and failures to teach his now adult children. He wants to set a positive and inspiring example for them to make the very best lives they can, and to expect the best of themselves. 

He cannot achieve these things if he doesn't fix his original problem. He has to demand better of himself and strive to meet those demands. He must significantly raise his "good enough" standard. He must fail and persevere. He will battle and he will lose, but he must not give up. He must grow and apply what he learns. In the end, he must succeed for the rest of his story to play out as he wants. 

Through challenge, failure, growth and will, he does succeed. 

And he lives happily ever after. 

Starring as-yet unknown actor Darth Grampus. Coming soon to theaters near you. 

Is there a more compelling nemesis in your life than yourself? If you were to strategize a plan of attack and defense for real battle with yourself, what would your plans look like? What if you approached life like that? Day by day, minute by minute battles between your good guy and bad guy? How would you set yourself up for success in these battles?

These questions aren't merely contemplative or rhetorical. I really hope you'll share your ideas and broaden my perspective. I'm trying to create my own war plans as I type. I've identified my key objectives. I understand each of the phases of my current plan and believe that, if I stick with them and adapt them optimally, they will yield the desired result.

Master the body. Push it hard and push away that sweet thing before bed. 

Master the mind so it can remain on the course it sets. Am I the Captain of my ship, or am I enslaved by the desires of my flesh? 

Bend reality by doing great things. With mastery of self, set incredible goals and achieve them. Who knows what fruit might be born of this?

And if Darth Grampus can do all of this, so can his sons. So can his grandson. 

I can have this. I know in my heart that I can make this happen. But I cannot allow my nemesis to win, and for me to win the war, I've got to start winning many more of these constant battles. I must put procrastination in its room, muzzle self-doubt, and shut my eyes and ears to the fear of failure. 

I just have to do the work. >.<

If you read this far, thank you very much. I appreciate your time and attention and hope you got commensurate value for both. Please leave your thoughts in a comment below, especially if you're willing to answer that series of questions about battle with self. If you enjoy my posts, please subscribe to my blog. I would love to connect with you!

You're also welcome to check out my YouTube channel where a good portion of this life movie will begin showing soon. I'm Darth Grampus on YouTube and I'd love for you to check out my life movie as it plays out.