Reframing Circumstances

It seems I didn't think things through as carefully as I should have before embarking on a long change effort. That, or life decided that this month and the first two weeks of February should be prep-time instead of go time. Let me explain. 

Today I'm having part deux of a root canal with my dentist here where we live. Tomorrow, we're driving four hours for me to have an appointment with a retina specialist at the ophthalmological hospital in Bangkok. I might need to have one or both retinas replaced surgically, so please pray with me that such things are not necessary. The next night, my parents arrive for a visit. We'll spend five days together in Bangkok and then they head out for a one-week trip to Bali. Then they come back to spend another week in Thailand with us. We'll spend a few days where we live and, hopefully, a few days in the beautiful Khao Sok national park south of us a few hours drive. 

I'll have seven days in between my parents' trips to Thailand, during which time I hope to complete the dental work and, given I do not need eye surgery, get an eye exam for a new pair of glasses. The ones I'm wearing are quite old and my vision is not great when looking through them. In short, the next few weeks are busy for exciting reasons, but the circumstances leave little time for me to make the progress I want to make. 

This whole last week, my back has tweaked and twinged and left me feeling like another spasm will trigger at any moment. The dust and other crap in the air has had me coughing so hard I strained a muscle in my neck, and made it difficult to breathe deeply. Allergies have kept my nasal passages and sinuses backed up, though medicine helps that to some degree. 

My merciless side is looking at me, shaking his head in dramatic disappointment. "Excuses, excuses," I can hear him say. The neutral side acknowledges my life-long tendency to grasp for excuses where exercise and proper diet are concerned, also realizes the legitimate difficulties and dangers created by back spasms and all the ambient threats for causing something perilous like an asthma attack. He is pleading for reason and leniency. 

The merciless me is having none of it.

I do not like feeling bad about myself or the things I'm not doing, but I do. I'm trying to squash that with the excitement of closing in on finally having my teeth squared away, getting myself some new and better spectacles, and showing my parents some of this beautiful country I've lived in for nearly seven years now. They'll be with me on my 49th birthday; the first I've spent with them since 2018. These next few weeks hold great promise for other important areas of my life, but its hard to give them their proper due with this shroud of personal disappointment draped over me.

If for no other reason than my own wellness, I should reframe the lost time I'm whining about and view it more as sharpening the axe before I start trying to chop down this tree. I can take corticosteroids to shore up my respiratory system from the dangers of asthma and ease my breathing. That therapy takes time and consistency before benefits are felt optimally. The lost time may actually prepare me for greater success in the daunting journey ahead of me. Perhaps that will boost my confidence as I begin. Perhaps it will shore up my wherewithal when the heat makes exercise more arduous. 

And it will be great to spend time with my parents here. This will be the second continent and completely new culture my parents were exposed to because I lived elsewhere. I'm grateful for bringing more of the world to my family. I'm excited to see them try new foods, and praying neither of them get a case of the dreaded Bangkok Belly. 

As I've written this post, I accepted that things have been as they've been, and will be as they will be. Instead of lamenting or wallowing in disappointment, I will make the most of the remaining time and try to get the maximum benefit possible. The real work will begin in mid-February now, and I will sharpen my axe as finely as I can between now and then. And when I start chopping away, changes will come as I want to see them. 

I doubt I will post much for the next 9 days or so. I'll try to capture pictures and other things to share for the next one though. I tried posting pictures to earlier entries but was unsuccessful. I'll get this blogger thing figured out so I can share images of what I write about with all of you. 

Until then, please pray for me if you pray. I don't want to need eye surgery. I want my parents' experience here to be wonderful, and I want to have a full heart, better health and a much sharper blade when I start swinging this axe. 

Thank you for your time and attention. I'll be back soon, and I hope to "see" you when I return.