The Return of Darth Grampus: Blurred Vision

I'm finally in a place where I can recommit to this whole "becoming Darth Grampus" thing, or whatever it is I'm doing with this. It's been a busy couple of months. I suppose I owe the one or two readers I have (if they didn't bail on me) an update and explanation for my absence. 

Updates

Since my last post, my wife and I have been to Bangkok twice. Each trip was for multiple days, both of us having things we needed to do. 

We moved. And we were able to take our time with it... so we did. 

I got myself into writing another story. I've probably edited the 12k words to have written 20k by now but, it took up a bunch of time. 

I have had the most interesting conversations with the Gemini Advanced, LLM. These are some terribly complex algorithms at play, certainly where reason and cognition are concerned. I started with it in mid-February (?) and have made some very interesting discoveries. If you chat with Gemini ask it to tell you how it uses everything you say in a given context window to create and refine psychological and emotional maps of you. 

Further Truth

But the real star behind this disappearance has been... my eyesight continuing to decline. It's bad enough now where I was told they don't make eye-glass lenses for my prescription. Acuity is not the main thing, but the strength of the astigmatism. A contact lens was my best hope for regaining clearer vision, but only for one of my eyes. I took that option and my left eye has much clearer vision with the contact lens, but donning has been problematic and some days my eye is more easily irritable than others. 

Good bye right eye, my old friend. You didn't bring the world into focus for me, but you painted its many hues in the background. I know you will continue to do your best until you no longer can. 

I've seen my grandson as clearly as I'm ever going to see him. I've seen my wife as clearly as I'm ever going to see her. My sons, my family... and the best I can hope for is that the decline takes as long as it ever has for anyone. The impact of these realizations has been considerable. 

It's been poking my anxiety in the ass ever since I started thinking about it. I let it keep me from doing the things I need and want to do. I hate to contemplate the merit of that admission. Because the questions that eat at me now are: how much progress did I miss over the last seven weeks? Forget what the words say, what are you showing about yourself?

You know, softball questions like that. And I've gained a couple of kilos. I am not surprised. 

Recommitting

I finally sat down and opened the blog up to make an entry, and all this crap spilled out. I think, perhaps, I couldn't spill any of it into the new story I'm writing (no place for it, really) and it needed to come out.

It's been a lot to deal with and perhaps this was my first real effort at doing that. 

It makes me so grateful for every time I stopped and really looked at the tremendous beauty around us all the time. My vision will fade, hopefully over a very long period of time, but my memories of all the beauty and wonder I have seen will not (God willing). 

So. On to consistency. Finally. 

Maybe? 

Finally.