Mrs. Darth Grampus, The Wonderful

I'm really grateful for the inspiration to write about one of my very favorite people on earth; my best friend, my lover, my bride and, since May 8th, my nurse and caregiver, too. Gentle reader, please let me tell you about the wonderful, the wise, the kind, dedicated, devoted, intelligent and loving Mrs. Darth Grampus. 

If this reads like some unrealistic, overly positive perspective on my wonderful wife, then good. GOOD. My wife is freakin' awesome from any angle you look at her, and alongside my children (all of them) and my precious grandson, she is the greatest blessing of my life. I want to tell everyone about her because she's not just my bride, she's my hero, too. 

My wife is the 2nd of four children in her family. She is Thai-Chinese and both her Mom and Dad's families are of Hakka Chinese descent. Her great-grandparents fled China during the communist revolution with little more than lint in their pockets and the hope it might be easier for them to survive in Thailand. It was, and it wasn't. My wife's father was the eldest son of his clan and he might be one of the toughest men I've ever spent time with. I don't mean he's some world-beater bad ass, but what he survived as a poor kid in the slums of Bangkok is rather incredible. He survived without predilections toward crime or developing any vices, and created noteworthy success for himself and his family. 

To know my wife, you have to understand her parents a bit. Her Dad knows what it's like to go days without food. He went to school until school took too much time away from earning money to help feed his parents and seven siblings. He sold any and everything, he fished, he even fought in Muay Thai matches as a child where, if he won, he got the equivalent of... $6. 

As an adult, he got an idea to repair bicycles on a university campus, and soon that business grew to include sales of bicycles. He did so well that he was able to employ most of his siblings and earn the money necessary to take care of his parents as well. They bought homes, buildings, land for a factory and warehouse, and he is still selling and repairing bicycles today more than 50 years after he started. 

No one is perfect, but I love and respect my father-in-law. In the parlance of my time, he is one bad-ass motherf*cker, and there's simply no other way to put it. I'm so grateful to him for raising my wife and providing for her. 

I can't say enough good things about my wife's mother either. She grew up in the country taking care of fruit orchards and buffaloes. I've met three or four of her siblings and am just smitten with her eldest sister. Aiyee, as the family calls her, speaks Chinese (like I did) and she was the initial conduit through which my wife's family got to know me better. Mom is a gentle and sweet soul, and she's nobody's fool either. A medical problem required her to stay with us for a full month and I largely took care of her. We used Google Translate to communicate and, when she went back home, she and I had carved out a special relationship I'm extremely grateful for.

I love my mother-in-law to pieces. My wife loves her so very much and, after the privilege of watching the two interact, I know exactly why. Mom makes it almost impossible to not love her! I'm beyond grateful to her for being such an incredible role model for my wife!

All of this is important context for my wife becoming the woman she is; the woman whom I love more than my own life, and who has loved me that very same way. Let me brag on her just a bit, please. =)  

Mrs. Grampus got accepted to a Thai "Ivy League" school for her undergraduate degree, then went back years later on her own dime to complete a demanding MBA program there as well. During that program, she was working 55-65 hours per week, then spending all weekend in class. That experience showed my wife that if she really wanted to achieve something, she could. She could do anything she set her mind to, and her Master's degree is a powerful symbol of that for her.

My wife left a demanding job she had for ten years that paid well to become the COO of a Chinese company's business here in Thailand. She took a pay cut for the opportunity to test herself and grow. She built that business herself from the ground up, leasing an office, planning the office build-out, the tech buy and install, networking the equipment, advertising, hiring and firing, finance, all productivity reports, goal tracking, and sales... When we originally met, she'd been doing that job for two and a half years and I think the fewest hours she ever worked in a single week was 60. Not only did she make a lot of time for me, she also continued her study and tutoring in English, attended events and outings with friends... The future Mrs. Grampus was a whole lot more than an uber-gorgeous and highly intelligent woman, she was also dedicated, hard-working, determined, embodied the "can do" spirit, and had no kind of "quit" in her I could detect. She also had a more-than respectable moral compass. I didn't just fall in love with her, I greatly admired her. I still do. 

In some parts of Thailand, whole villages celebrate when one of their own marries a "rich" foreigner. For us, in Bangkok, there was no such celebration. My wife dealt with the stares of people who undoubtedly thought she was my "pay-to-play" girlfriend; a prostitute. Still other friends of hers would say, "You're lucky you know? Most farangs (foreigners) don't get involved with white-skinned girls like you." Her whole family (including those three brothers I mentioned) remained highly skeptical of me until I took care of Mom for a month. They always treated me well, but when I wasn't around, they would ask my wife some pretty... pointed questions about my plans, how I treated her, what I hoped to get out of this, if she really thought I would stick around... 

My wife never wavered. Not once. She defended me and as I spent more time with her family, they warmed up to me. Now when everyone's beating Dad up for this decision or that behavior, I'll give the 5'4 inch, 120 pound titan a protective hug and remind everyone I'm #teamDad. I love when we travel and camp with her family, and if nothing else, they all know I love and take good care of their daughter and sister.

We had an unfortunate motorcycle accident on May 8th. Thankfully, I got the worst of it, but wife's knees and legs took a beating. She advocated for me in the hospital, took care of me in ways I hoped no one would ever have to, and never once complained. I would thank her with tears in my eyes and she would just smile and say, "I love you, na..." That care has extended to our home as I recover. She makes sure I have my medications, helps me with applying my ice packs, does all the food prep and clean-up. She has made a fact crystallize in my head; something I thought I long-since understood: love is so much more than pretty words. Love manifests in the things we do that show our words are true... or not. And I'm as sure of my precious wife's love for me as I am of anything else in this world.

I LOVE YOU, MRS. DARTH GRAMPUS! Thank you so very much for loving me!